Fulfill Her Sex Fantasies

Ever since Fifty Shades of Grey hit the shelves at your local bookstore and proceeded to sell more than 40 million copies worldwide (and counting), one thing has been made abundantly clear: Women want more sex—and they want it extra freaky. “This book is clear evidence that women are craving more adventurous sex,” says Sara Gottfried, M.D., OB/GYN, author of The Hormone Cure.

As for just how E.L. James managed to tap into the wild side you've been dying to awaken in your lady for years, well, we're stumped . . . but we're also stoked. (On behalf of men everywhere, we owe you one, E.L.)

In case you haven't sneaked a peek at her favorite summer read, allow us to give you the ultra-quick breakdown: The Fifty Shades trilogy—yup, there are three of the books—highlights the passionate love affair between college virgin Anastasia Steele and the enigmatic Christian Grey, who just so happens to be filthy rich, insanely good looking, and super into BDSM.

Groan, right? But here's what Grey can do for you: If your partner loves reading about being spanked and dominated, she may be willing to give it a try in the bedroom. And that's where you come in.

We read Fifty Shades so you never, ever have to, and then consulted sex experts about the raunchy moves women are most likely to love. Your mission: Use each one to push the mysterious man out of the picture and win back your woman's fantasies for good. For more hot pleasure tips and secrets from the fairer sex, discover What Every Woman Wants.

Speak Your Mind
Women are into dirty talk, plain and simple. “One of the things women love about Grey’s character is how straightforward he is when it comes to what he wants,” says Dr. Gottfried. “He verbalizes what turns him on, and women are hungry—almost desperate—for that thrill.” Take this exchange from page 114:

“Show me how you pleasure yourself.”

What? I frown.

“Don’t be coy, Ana, show me,” he whispers.

I shake my head. “I don’t know what you mean.” My voice is hoarse. I hardly recognize it, laced with desire.

“How do you make yourself come? I want to see.”

Obviously it's not smooth to blurt out every random, sex-infused thought that crosses your mind. But women want to know what you find hot and what you want in bed—it’s a turn on, says Dr. Gottfried. (Learn how to woo your woman with the art of dirty talk, and 7 other Red-Hot Ways to Have More Sex.)

Redefine ForeplayIt’s not rocket science: Foreplay is essential. But if you want to make her toes curl in ecstasy, it’s time to reinvent your routine. “Men don’t realize just how dialed back foreplay is for women,” Dr. Gottfried says. “Foreplay shouldn’t just consist of some kissing and breast play 10 minutes before you do the deed.” Your move: Take the passion outside the bedroom. Let her know her body is on your mind, even though you can’t have her at that very moment. Take this scene from page 78:

He lunges at me, pushing me against the wall of the elevator. Before I know it, he’s got both of my hands in his viselike grip above my head, and he’s pinning me to the wall using his hips . . . His other hand grabs my hair and yanks down, bringing my face up, and his lips are on mine . . . My tongue tentatively strokes his and joins his in a slow, erotic dance . . . He brings his hand up to grasp my chin and holds me in place . . . and his hips restraining me. His erection is against my belly.

We'll stop there. Again, we're not telling you to spontaneously lunge at gorgeous women in elevators (unless you've been dying to meet cops). But if you want her to crave your body by the time you finally reach the bedroom, you must start tempting and teasing long before you hit the sheets, Dr. Gottfried says. A simple move: Shoot her a sext at work telling her how much you can't wait to please her tonight. (Try these tips to unleash your power where it matter most—in bed!)

Move Beyond Boring SexMissionary can be nice. Missionary can be romantic. But missionary should never become the comfortable standard. Your move: Step outside that vanilla box. “Women find Grey’s knowledge and dominance in the bedroom so sexy,” says Dr. Gottfried. Now, you may not be ready to turn that extra bedroom into your very own “red room of pain”—(ahem, page 98)—but there are subtle things you can try to get a taste of what’s outside your comfort zone.

Usually all it takes is a simple conversation, says Dr. Gottfried. If you want to try handcuffs, spanking, or sex toys, bring it up during pillow talk. “Confidence is a man’s best friend, and it can be such a turn-on,” Dr. Gottfried says. So if you’re unapologetic and honest about what you want, she’s more likely to be receptive to it. (Once she signs off, start shopping and pick up The Best Sex Toys for Men.)

This Sex Furniture Will Make Your Romps More of a Workout

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Regular, old missionary sex boasts health benefits ranging from a lowered risk of prostate cancer to increased cardiovascular function. And, of course, it also burns calories.

For example, the average guy burns around 100 calories per session, according to a study from the University of Montreal. You can burn an extra two to four calories per minute if you have sex after working out. You might ramp that number up even higher, however, if you blend functional moves with your smooth moves. Think of it as high intensity bed sports.

The following props mix suspension training and yoga with intercourse for the sweatiest sex of your life. And who knows, it might just score you the best sex of your life, too.

Sex Swing

Sure, you can do positions like the wheelbarrow by sitting on the edge of your bed. But you’ll get more freedom of movement with the swing, and your partner will get a stability workout. If you want in on the core action, try the waterfall with your legs up in the air instead.

How to Avoid 5 Dating Pitfalls

The early days of courtship can be blissful, but they can also prove perilous if you don't avoid certain pitfalls. Here's how you can walk confidently through the dating minefield. 

1. She Shows You Her Body "Flaw." It's Minor, But to Her, It's Monumental
Pitfall: Saying too much or too little will set off her BS alarm—the opposite effect you want to have on a naked woman.
Your play: Strike the perfect balance. Tell her, "Nothing is a turnoff—I'm interested in all of you," says Sharyn Wolf, author of Guerrilla Dating Tactics. Engage in some therapy of the kindergarten variety: After she shows you hers, return the favor and laugh it off.

2. At a Bar, You Run into Her Ex, Who Looks Like Tom Brady
Pitfall: Talking up your bonus numbers; mentioning your German car.
Your play: Give her space and go grab drinks. When you return, treat him like a colleague. Later, ask her if there any unresolved issues. Then say, "I just want all cards on the table before we get serious." She'll appreciate your confidence and honesty, says psychotherapist Laura Berman, Ph.D., the author of The Passion Prescription.

3. You're on Your Way to Date Number 15, and She Has Yet to Pick Up a Tab
Pitfall: Saying, "Ever plan on opening your wallet?" will save you from hearing from her again.
Your play: Send this text message: "Where are you taking me for dinner on Friday?" It's playful and let's her know it's a two-way street, says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., a sex therapist and the author of She Comes First.

4. She's Dropping Not-So-Subtle Hints About the Future
Pitfall: You're silent. You change the subject. You shift in your seat.
Your play: Say, "I like you a lot, and I want us both to stick around to see if there is a future." Then, on the sly, go out and buy her a top-shelf sonic toothbrush to keep at your house. "Sounds silly, but it's endearing. It shows her that you want her here for a while," says Wolf.

5. You Climax Too Quickly
Pitfall: Apologize and repeatedly claim that "this never happens."
Your play: Pleasure her for 20 minutes. According to a recent German study, you need 19 minutes to rev back up. Take your time working your way down until you reach her clitoris. By the time the slow boat delivers her to the edge of orgasm, you'll be primed  for round 2.

The 5 Guys She Might Leave You For

Jealousy is never attractive in a relationship, but sometimes you can’t help it. Sure, she says that brunch with her coworker is purely platonic, but that’s what they all say—right before they elope in Cancun and leave you in the dust.

“Guys who are already in her life have an unfair advantage that they can—and sometimes do—leverage to steal her away from you,” says April Masini, a relationship expert for AskApril.com. “They’ve managed to enter the no-fly zone right under your nose.” Are you right to be suspicious, or are you overreacting? Here are five guys in her life to keep your eye on, just in case.

1. Her Best Guy Friend

Can men and women be "just friends?" Well, sort of. In a 2012 study from the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, researchers polled platonic pairs and found that guys were more likely to be attracted to—and willing to date—their female buddies. (Women were fine staying in the friend zone.) 

The good news: The closeness of their relationship could be what keeps them from getting together sexually, according to psychologist Tracy Thomas, Ph.D. No woman wants to date her therapist, or the one guy who knows all of her un-sexy secrets and problems, Thomas explains.

Intercept him: Invite yourself along when the two of them hang out. Not only will you be able to gauge just how friendly their relationship actually is, but if he sees that you’re a present, caring boyfriend, he’ll be less likely to try to strike when she’s in a vulnerable mood.

  

2. Her Work Husband

You don't see her lunch-and-gossip buddy as a threat, because he's on her level, and probably can't offer her as much as you can. But think again: Her work husband is actually more of a threat than her boss, precisely because he shares her position, according to psychotherapist Vinita Mehta, Ph.D. The logic: Nothing encourages survival-esque bonding like a crappy work situation, such as a tyrannical boss or an impossible project. “It’s like war and being in a foxhole together,” Mehta explains. “They’re in the trenches together, and this can cause them to bond in ways they normally wouldn’t.”

Intercept him: You don’t have to join her company to bond with her. Instead, take a class together. Cooking is the traditional choice, but you can get creative and try speed-reading or Bikram yoga. “Research shows that doing new, novel things brings couples closer together,” Mehta says.

3. Your Best Friend

Luckily, your best friend is still the least-threatening person on this list because, well, he’s on your side. (At least he should be.) But just because he’s a saint doesn’t mean he’s not a threat. According to Masini, he can seem like an attractive option because he's a lot like you, probably a lot like her, and he appears pristine because she doesn't know every intimate detail like she does about you.

"If she knew your best friend like you do—for example, if she lived with him—she probably wouldn't be so quick to feel attracted," Masini explains. "But as long as she only knows him at a distance, there may be an attraction there." Plus, she probably sees your best bud as safe, which allows her to be more flirtatious and open than she would be if she weren't dating you.

Intercept him: If you’re always talking up your buddy, you could end up being a facilitator for their relationship, Masini warns. You don’t have to trash him—and you shouldn’t—but just make sure she hears the funny stories about the stupid stuff he does along with the tales of his awesomeness.

4. Her Personal Trainer

Keep tabs on him for a couple of reasons: He's in great shape, and he recognize that she’s in great shape and is making an effort to keep it up. “Men and women leave relationships when someone else makes them feel great about themselves,” Masini explains. “If her trainer is making her feel like her body is the bomb, watch out.”

Of course, this wisdom applies to other situations as well, especially if other guys are swooping in and making her feel fantastic about parts of her life that you ignore. “If her best friend makes her feel like she’s the one woman in the world he would do anything for, or if the pool boy makes her laugh and forget her problems, you’ve got trouble,” Masini says.

Intercept him: Always give her a positive comment when she gets back from the gym, and make an effort to notice if she’s making an effort. All she really wants is to feel like you’re not taking her for granted. 

5. Her Boss

Not all women go for authority figures, but some do. You can thank evolution for her weakness toward older, worldly guys, Mehta says. Women are primed to seek out men with power, status, and resources. “It could be her boss, mentor, or even professor,” says Mehta. “Even if women are the more ‘evolved,’ there may still be a vulnerability to men who seem omnipotent.”

Intercept him: It’s actually not that hard to fend off men with power, status, and resources, Mehta says. “Show her your creative, worldly side,” he suggests. “Take her to museums, wine tastings, and other cultural events that show her you can be sophisticated.” And you don’t have to fall into a trust fund to one-up a guy with “resources.” (Read: money.) Instead, try taking her camping and showing off your outdoor survival skills.

5 Ways to Boost Her Sex Drive

Where Does Pleasure Start?

With a glimpse of skin—or the first touch? Maybe it's the sound of her key in your door. Let's not overthink this, and just feel it. "We use our five senses primarily for purposes other than enjoyment," says Justin Sitron, Ph.D., a sexuality researcher at Widener University. "Sex is a chance to use them to just experience your body." And hers. And yours with hers. Employ all five senses, and sex is more than a roll in the sack. It's pure pleasure.

TOUCH

Touch is a woman's primary trigger for desire, according to a study in the Journal of Sex Research. "With the other senses, you're not necessarily engaged while your partner experiences it," says Sitron. "But touch is reciprocal: You can feel me touching you while I experience touching you."

Take advantage with a sex therapy technique called "sensate focus." Have your partner lie flat on her back with her eyes closed, and slowly caress her head and face—hair, nose, ears, lips; cover it all. "Pretend this is your last chance to savor her body," says Sitron. Move to her torso and legs and feet, then flip her over and repeat.

The point is to chart new erotic territory. "The genitals, breasts, and inner thighs have the most nerve receptors, so they're most sensitive," says social psychologist Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D. "But almost any body part can become erotic if you learn to associate it with sexual pleasure."

(Looking to explore her uncharted territory? Consider this guide to her most pleasurable points your treasure map.)

SMELL

Your gym teacher may have convinced you to cover up your natural scent—but it may actually be one of the most powerful tools in your arousal arsenal. "There is some evidence that humans have pheromones," says Alan Hirsch, M.D., founder of the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. "In one study, when a potential male pheromone was placed under chairs, females clumped in that area."

So sweat together: Exercise activates your apocrine glands, the site of pheromone release in primates, says Dr. Hirsch. Each woman reacts differently, but his research shows that musk can decrease vaginal bloodflow; women may associate the scent with jerks. Instead, dust your bod in baby powder, which can elevate vaginal bloodflow, or for a first date, wear eucalyptus, camphor, and menthol. (Try J.R. Watkins Menthol Camphor Bath Soak.) "These scents increase empathy," says Dr. Hirsch.

SOUND

Your moaning may excite her, but it's probably not what sends her over the edge. "Sounds cue men in to whether a woman is really enjoying sex, but women can physically see when a man is aroused," Lehmiller says. What she really craves is communication. In the form of four-letter words.

If whispering explicit nothings doesn't come naturally, simply tell her what you want during sex, but substitute naughty words for your normal sexual vocab. (Hint: She prefers "cock" to "dick" and "give head" to "blow job," a Journal of Sex Research study found.) "You don't want her to feel out of control," says Sitron. "Start by telling her to do things you already know she's comfortable with."

Or let music do the job for you. Explicit lyrics can have the same effect as dirty talk, Sitron says. Turn it into foreplay: Scroll through iTunes and reveal which songs you've always wanted to have sex to. Then do it. (Need suggestions for sexually seductive music? Here's your playlist.)

SIGHT

Most women don't want Weiner-style sexts. But not because they think your rod is repulsive; they just want to see all of you. "Men are often turned on by body parts, but most women are turned on by context and people," says Sitron. As neuroscientist J.R. Georgiadis, Ph.D., explains, "When women look at sexual pictures, they look at many things besides genitals—what's on the table, the color of the flowers." It's not that she's more interested in the centerpiece than your penis: Women just use more visual cues to guide their attraction.

Research suggests that the most resounding cue may, in fact, be your face. Instead of shooting her a junk pic, "send a head shot with a sexy caption," says Lehmiller. But in bed, let her see all the action: Have her lie on her back, knees up, and kneel between her legs. More of your muscles will be visible and activated, says Sitron. Plus, she can watch you penetrate.

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TASTE

Katy Perry kissed a girl. . .and what did she remember? The taste of cherry ChapStick. Women care more than men do about a pleasant-tasting mouth, possibly because their sense of taste is more finely tuned, reports Evolutionary Psychology. But Dr. Hirsch says the effect is more Pavlovian than primal: "If a taste reminds you of a successful sexual experience, it will induce arousal." (This may explain why you love how she tastes during oral.)

If she doesn't dig the taste of semen, you probably aren't going to change her mind. So take the more obvious route to gustatory arousal: food. Choose a victual she rarely eats but enjoys—ay, chocolate-covered cherries—and feed it to her during foreplay. (She's not a fan of cherries? No worries. Check out these other delicious aphrodisiacs.)

"The sex reinforces the pleasure of food, and the pleasure of food reinforces the sex," says Dr. Hirsch. Eventually the food alone may be enough to trigger her arousal.