Have You Figured Out How To Sext Yet?

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I am a huge fan of sexting. Why? Because it’s the modern day love letter. It’s the torture, the lead-up, the fun, the game. It’s entertainment for those moments when you and that person you are texting with feel sexually deprived or simply just a little bored and horny. Louis C.K. would tell us to be human, live IRL, and sit with that bored, horny, loneliness instead of sexting the pain away, but we can not all be that strong. Of course, like any form of communication done through the so-called privacy of our phones, sexting can be dangerous because it’s documented. Here are a few rules to keep in mind when you're typing out your libido.

No Unsolicited Sexts

It’s tough to know when a sexting relationship can truly begin, but just as you would flirt with a woman IRL to see where you stand, the same should be applied with sexting. You have to test the waters. Some people will say that you should not sext with those you have not sexed, for real. However, I don’t necessarily agree. It’s all relative. I remember once meeting a man who I flirted heavily with when we first met. We traded numbers that night and I left town the next day. We kept in touch, texted occasionally and, since we were both very aware that we wanted to sleep together next time we were in the same city, a natural progression of sexting manifested. The water was tested with casual flirting and then he kicked it into sext land with a few choice phrases and the best photo I have ever received from another human being. Point is, just because a woman gives you her number doesn’t mean she wants to sext. Some people just aren’t down with the sext game, so be cautious.

Do Not Posture

Do not say anything via sext that you don’t plan to do in real life. I know the separation created from our true selves to screen allows for this cushy, delusional stage where we can tweak our imperfections but when it comes to sexting you should stay as real as possible. Of course, the appeal with sexting is the ability to toy with language and fool around, so you can be imaginative but don’t make empty promises. Save that for the disappointing morning after IRL (just kidding). 

Words Rule

Recently, Sarah Nicole Prickett wrote an eloquent article for The New Inquiry about sexting. I suggest you give it a read. She hits the nail on the head when discussing the appeal of language to a woman’s sex drive. “Consider what’s required in a formal sentence: the rhythm of punctuation, of course, but also knowing when to start, when to stop. Consider too the devastating effects of a well-timed ellipsis; read some Bataille. Erotic grammar is good grammar. Sexting has sped up seduction, but if you write it right, it can still torture.” Use your words. It works.

Ask, Don’t Beg, For Pics

Begging for anything is a complete turn off. You would not beg for a blow job now would you? Same rules apply for pics. If a woman is sexting with you, she is obviously going to be down to send you some photos, but you've got to coax it out. Straight-up begging makes us recoil and turn off our phones.