Beginning. During the early stages of a relationship, your sex life is on point — it’s essentially non-stop rompin,' every day, all day. But once you’ve past the honeymoon phase, things start to, well, dwindle down.
Lull. Nonetheless, it can be difficult to tell whether a lull in the bedroom is simply a lull or if it's something more. So, how can you tell whether or not take your life between the sheets is about take a dive for the worst?
Clues. Fortunately, there are a slew of ways to know if your sex life with your other half is on the right track or not. Women’s Health reached out to a few sex experts on the subject, and here’s what they had to say.
Secure. Feel secure as hell in your relationship? Namely in the bedroom? Good News: According to Women’s Health, you’re on the right track!
Sexual esteem. "Both of you have a good sense of your sexual esteem and feel attractive and desirable,” Jane Greer, Ph.D., sex therapist and author of “What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship” told the outlet. "Even if you miss a week, or one of you isn't in the mood, it doesn't define your entire intimate life.”
Staying proactive. "As a result,” Greer continues, "neither of you take these moods personally. The key to maintaining this confidence is staying proactive in expressing (and acting upon) your desires to sexually connect with your partner.”
Prioritize sex. Good sex practice number two? You both prioritize sex. Speaking to Women’s Health, Ava Cadell, Ph.D., author of “NeuroLoveology,” said: "Making your partner feel like number one is key to a healthy sex life (even if you have kids).”
Schedule. "Make sex a priority by scheduling a sex date once a week,” Cadell added. "When couples do this, it's a sign that they want to please each other.” Of course, there’s a right way to schedule sex, so don’t force it either.
Emotionally connected. Feel emotionally in tune with your partner? Perfect. "Feeling emotionally connected and wanted by your partner makes you more interested in sex,” according to Debra Laino, a board-certified clinical sexologist.
Catch up. "A good exercise to keep this up is to choose to spend at least an hour per week catching up on your feelings towards each other—one-on-one, no interruptions,” Laino concluded. Pro tip: Make it a casual talk — nothing too serious. Otherwise, it’ll just take the fun out of it.
Orgasms. Perhaps unsurprisingly, orgasms are important in a relationship, too. And the more you have them, the more you know your sex life is on point — like, really on point.
Absence of orgasm. "While orgasming is not the whole point of sex, the absence of orgasm is a signal that something else is missing, like comfort, info about what turns you on, arousal, time, and mutual respect,” Carol Queen, Ph.D., staff sexologist for Good Vibrations, told Women’s Health.
Not on the same page. Queen added: "If you're not on the same page as far as the timing of sex, take each other's specific needs into account and alter your sexual schedule accordingly.”
Sex quota. Have sex consistently with your beau? This is a good sign, according to Women’s Health. “There isn't a certain amount of times a couple should have sex per week, as long as there's consistency in how often you get at it,” Kelley Kitley, a Chicago-based psychotherapist told the outlet.
Communicate. "If sex becomes absent, bring it up,” Kitley advised. "Someone should always take the initiative during a dry spell to keep your sex life on track.” In short, speak up if something feels off, you’re only hurting yourself — and the relationship — if you don’t.
Masturbation. Last, but certainly not least, if you play with yourself on the regular, you’re not only doing yourself a favor, but your partner as well. "Masturbation is good for both of you,” certified sex therapist Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., said. "Sex begets sex, thanks to our biochemistry. That means more masturbation leads to more partnered sex." And what's better than that?
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