Why sex is better when you’re older

Approaching a decade, there appears to be either a deepening or a drifting, and I feared the drift.

London - Have you stopped peering in the mirror because the crow’s feet you used to have to search for are firmly there to stay?

Maybe you suck in your sagging tummy every time you pass a shop window. And as for sex… have you convinced yourself that it’s all downhill?

Well,you can stop worrying and instead start looking forward to the best sex of your life. According to new research carried out on 26 000 people over 50 in 29 countries, lovemaking does get better with age.

In the study, 88 percent of UK men and women said their relationship was very or extremely physically pleasurable. At least 94 percent agreed they were emotionally satisfied by their partner.

Sex therapist and relationship counsellor Julia Cole says a great sex life is one of the best kept secrets among older couples.

“When we’re younger, all we tend to think about is intercourse, with orgasm as the goal. But as we get older, we find we enjoy the sensations along the way just as much: the view on the journey, if you like, not just the arrival.

Cole says older people also tend to be in their relationships for longer, which creates an intensity between them that improves the sex.”

Other goodies about older sex include:

 

Fewer hang-ups

Particularly after having children together, couples gain what Cole calls “body wisdom”. “It’s a greater acceptance of how you look and an understanding that there’s so much more to us than our appearance.

“In our twenties, we are so concerned with our body image and comparing ourselves to our friends… When we get older, we are more into what pleases us and our partner and don’t care so much about what our friends are doing. This makes our capacity for enjoyment greater.”

 

Better orgasms

Cole says research into the sexual responses of women in their forties has shown that they tend to have more intense orgasms than younger women.

“Through experience, they have learnt that the longer foreplay goes on, the better their orgasm will be. Younger women tend to rush into intercourse more quickly.”

 

Improved communication

Older couples are better at expressing their needs and wants to each other, says Cole. “Good communication requires subtlety and practice,and many people don’t achieve this until they are in a long-term relationship.’

 

Contentment

When we’re younger, the thought of settling down with the same person for the rest of our life may be terrifying. We fret: How will we stave off boredom?

In fact, those in long-term relationships in their forties and beyond are likely to be anything but bored, as Cole explains:

“The mid-life crisis everyone talks about actually happens much earlier. It’s the thirties that are the killer period for sex and relationship problems.

“This is when we worry most about getting older and start questioning everything in our life. At this age we’re close enough to our twenties to remember what we looked like then and to keep comparing the way we look now; we’re likely to have a young family so we’re often tired, bored or resentful.”

Cole says the romantic phase of our relationship has passed, and it’s likely we’ll look at our life and think: “Is this what I really wanted?”

“It’s no coincidence that this is the age at which most couples fall prey to affairs, break up or go for counselling.”

If you’ve been through a soul-searching thirties and your relationship has survived, you could have had your mid-life crisis and not even noticed it. It’s time to have some fun – Daily Mail

Prof wants to smash Aids myths

ohannesburg - Why do alternative, non-scientific explanations of HIV and Aids continue to circulate in townships after almost 30 years of Aids education?

This is the question Wits University Professor of Sociology, David Dickinson, sought to understand and answer in his new book A Different Kind Of Aids.

The book is based on two research projects, one of which was with a group of 28 African HIV and Aids peer educators in “Digco”, a pseudonym for a local mining company, between October 2008 and June 2009.

The educators were asked to identify “Aids myths” circulating within their communities.

Dickinson defines the myths as beliefs about HIV and Aids that are not medically correct but present in the peer educators’ communities and further differentiates between “folk” and “lay” theories.

The second research project was the development of stories, or rather, parables, that the peer educators could use to counter the Aids myths.

However, what was key for Dickinson was making sense of people’s beliefs in the context of their realities.

“When people talk of Aids myths, they can really be grouped together into folk categories, such as racism as an explanation for Aids, witchcraft and cleansing, as well as religious beliefs. And then lay theories, which are more about who is ‘safe’ to have sex with and ways in which HIV infection can be avoided,” Dickinson explained.

Lay theories, he told The Star, had some links to scientific explanations.

For example, Dickinson said: “The friction theory links closely to science… and suggests that whenever you have sex there is some damage even if you can’t see it that allows the blood to transfer. It’s not wrong, but isn’t a complete theory. It suggests ‘friction is tight on first round of sex, so you must wear condom and thereafter can get rid of condom’.”

Another lay theory was the “penis sucks” theory, that suggests that the penis sucks up “dirty” fluid inside the woman during orgasm and so it is “safe” to have sex without a condom as long as the man ejaculated before the woman reached orgasm.

“When you link to the ‘why’ there are these theories, you see there is a logic applied, but not that you think it’s right. But it’s logic and that makes it strong and powerful,” he added.

The rest of the book, while exploring township life, also explores why these alternative theories make sense in people’s lives.

Dickinson stated: “I do a detailed work with four township individuals, three infected with HIV, one a caregiver of one infected, without judging them or scaring them by telling them what to believe. But rather, for them to explore their individual construction of belief.”

Dickinson said it took a long time for him to reach a point where he could do that and break away from what he terms the “Aids establishment”.

“I’m not disagreeing with the nature of HIV/Aids, I’m disagreeing with the approach of people around it. When it comes to beliefs and prevention, for example, and actually using antiretrovirals, the establishment messages have missed the mark,” he argued.

He continued: “It was hard for me to come to that conclusion, that I’d have to stop telling people what to do and rather listen to what people felt and what was going on for them and their context of what they were dealing with.

“We are more complicated than being just scientific bodies, aren’t we?”

Alternative theories were often blamed for damaging scientific credibility, Dickinson said.

“Actually, some of the scientific beliefs look very exotic when you’re not a scientist,” he said with a laugh.

“Some people almost roll over laughing at what scientists say because to them it sounds bizarre… it’s out of context and they don’t see the framework the scientist used. If we expect them to see the scientific framework, don’t we have to see their framework?” - The Star

Kim Cattrall talks from the bedroom

Kim Cattrall says she is just like her Sex and the City character -

because she loves younger men. The sexy actress, who played man-eater Samantha Jones in the raunchy sitcom, says younger men are able to handle her in the bedroom much better than men

her own age.

The 48-year-old beauty - who is dating a Canadian chef 21 years her junior - said: "I found a lot of guys were absolutely terrified of me. Younger men weren't. They've got plenty of adventure.

"The perception is that I'm going to be something in the bedroom they can't compete with, but that's their loss. Only the brave need apply."

Kim, who wrote the book Satisfaction: The Art of the Female Orgasm with third husband Mark Levinson, also revealed she likes to use Viagra to spice up her love life.

She said: "Multiple orgasms are not a problem. I never thought sex could be so good."

In Sex and the City, which recently ended after six successful series, Kim's character Samantha enjoyed several flings with younger men and she also used Viagra to enhance her bedroom activities.

Sniff this - and trust me

London - It could be the criminals' dream drug - a hormone that makes people trust you.

Scientists in Switzerland and the United States have found that exposing people to the hormone Oxytocin makes them more willing to bond with others.

The same people exposed to the hormone but faced with a computer did not show increased willingness to take risks.

"Oxytocin specifically affects an individual's willingness to accept social risks arising through interpersonal interactions," they wrote in the science journal Nature.

It is hardly surprising. Oxytocin - also known as the "cuddle" hormone - is released by both men and women at sexual orgasm, and the bloodstream levels have been shown to rise during massage but fall with recollection of a negative emotion.

"We find that intranasal administration of Oxytocin causes a substantial increase in trusting behaviour," the scientists wrote. They added a warning:

"Of course, this finding could be misused to induce trusting behaviours that selfish actors subsequently exploit."

Massage oil offers 'sexual healing' to women

London - British experts are backing a massage oil that has a miraculous effect on women.

Zestra, which is made of plant extracts, is said to rekindle arousal in women who have lost the ability to enjoy sex.

 

Doctors have found it can even help women taking antidepressants and beta-blocker drugs or suffering from physical problems such as diabetes.

 

In these cases women often find it difficult or impossible to achieve full sexual satisfaction.

The oil, which can be applied to a woman's most intimate area by her partner, is on sale in chemist shops in Britain and could soon be available in some supermarkets.

Six applications cost $25 (about R150), making it an expensive route to sexual bliss.

But its advocates say nothing else available works as well.

 

Psychotherapist Ruth Hallam-Jones, who treats women with sexual difficulties at the Porterbrook Clinic in Sheffield, said a number of her patients had responded positively to Zestra.

"We're very short of any physical treatments for women," she said. "I'm actively giving samples of this oil to women suffering from decreased responses, and it does seem to be helping them.

"Women are more complicated than men. When a man has difficulties getting an erection you try to improve stimulation and blood flow, but in women it's not so simple. I don't think we understand fully why Zestra works, but it does seem to improve sensitivity."

 

Dr David Edwards, a GP in Chipping Norton, Oxfordshire, who specialises in treating sexual problems, said several of his patients had used Zestra with encouraging results.

One was post-menopausal, two were on antidepressants, and another was taking beta-blockers.

"I've found that Zestra increases arousal and speed to orgasm, and some of these women haven't had an orgasm for a long time," he said.

 

"The beauty of it is that being an oil it's very easy to use and can be made a part of foreplay. It's less likely than other methods to put people off.

 

"Sexual difficulties cause broken relationships and divorce. It's very important that we take them seriously. I'd like to see a proper large-scale trial of Zestra."

 

Zestra contains, among other ingredients, starflower oil, evening primrose oil, extracts of angelica and coleus, and vitamins C and E.

 

Dr Edwards said it appeared to affect smooth muscle and cause blood vessels to dilate.

A small trial in America led by Zestra's inventor Martin Crosby, from Qualilife

 

Pharmaceuticals in Charleston, South Carolina, tested the oil on 20 women aged 31 to 57.

Half suffered Female Sexual Arousal Disorder (FSAD) - an inability to reach orgasm that is said to affect up to 40 percent of women.

 

The results were published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy last year. Interview assessments and diary entries showed sexual satisfaction response rates of 85 percent, even in women with FSAD.

 

Seven of the group who were taking antidepressants showed a response rate of 86 percent.

Three women reported mild burning sensations lasting five to 30 minutes. - Sapa-dpa

Expert offers sex tips during lunchtime

By Jeremy Lovell

 

London - Women who have won equality in many aspects of life but still feel under appreciated in bed on Thursday were offered lunchtime courses on sex tips.

The aim of the hour-long sessions is to give women the confidence to finally get from their partners the sexual consideration they deserve, said sex expert Mary Clegg, who is running the courses.

 

For Clegg, resident counsellor at the Amora sex and relationships attraction in London's Trocadero that is hosting the courses, it is not really women who need the sex technique lessons - it is men.

"For far too many men it is still a case of 'wham bam thank you ma'am' with little apparent thought for the legitimate desires of women," she told Reuters in an interview.

"Womens' expectations have grown in every part of their lives. They are supremely confident in the boardroom but still not in the bedroom. Some 30 percent of women never achieve orgasm. That has to change," she added.

 

But women are far more willing than men to recognise and then admit that they have problems.

"Women will treat this seriously and be willing to learn. Men think they know everything," Clegg said. "If I ran this course for men no one would turn up."

And the ultimate goal is that it will be the women who benefit.

 

"I like to give women the confidence to get what they want. Most couples are not operating on an equal basis when it comes to sex. Everyone has sexual baggage, but very few couples are prepared to discuss it," Clegg said.

"The trouble is that sex is everywhere - in magazines, in shops, in advertisements, on film and television - and it gives a completely distorted view of what is considered 'normal'," she added.

Amora, which opened in April this year, is an interactive sex education centre that explores male and female sexuality, relationships and health in often graphic detail.

 

"The standards of sex education in this country are low and very patchy. The aim of this is to try to improve that," Clegg said. "This is educational, although we appreciate that some people may find it arousing."

 

And it is not all bad news. Some men are starting to become more aware of female sexuality, she said.

 

"I did an orgasm workshop for women on Monday and three men turned up," she said. "I pointed out to them that it was all about the female orgasm and they said that was what they wanted to find out more about. That must be good news for women."

Orgasms could cut prostate risk

SONY DSC

London - An orgasm a day could reduce a man’s chances of developing prostate cancer by almost a quarter, according to a study.

Other health benefits include a boost in immunity, better sleep and protection against heart disease doctors say.

 

The study, carried out at the Harvard Medical School and Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, found that participants who ejaculated more than 21 times a month were at a 22 percent lower risk of getting prostate cancer.

Jennifer Rider, of Harvard, stressed the results were observational and should be taken cautiously. “At the same time, given the lack of modifiable risk factors for prostate cancer, the results are encouraging,” she added.

 

Prostate cancer kills almost 11 000 men in Britain a year.

I Need to Know: ‘is it normal for girls to masturbate?’

Picture: Pexels

First of all: yes it’s completely normal for girls and women to masturbate.

 

What is masturbation?

 

Masturbation is when a person touches their own genitals for sexual arousal and pleasure, and often leads to orgasm. It can include touching other parts of your body that feel good, such as the nipples. Many people use their fingers and hands, but some might use objects such as sex toys.

 

Masturbation is something people do to themselves, although “mutual masturbation” refers to people touching each others’ genitals for the same reason.

 

Who masturbates?

Traditionally, masturbation has been something that is acceptable for boys. It’s only recently we’ve started talking about female masturbation more openly.

 

It’s useful to know for most females the clitoris is the most sexually sensitive part of the body. The study mentioned above also showed when a man and a woman have sex, women were much more likely to have an orgasm when her genitals were touched directly using hands or through oral sex. This is because of where the clitoris is.

 

It’s a wishbone-shaped bundle of nerves and blood vessels that will swell up and feel tingly and pleasurable when stimulated. The tip of it pokes out above the hole where wee comes out (the urethra) but it extends up to 10 centimetres behind the sides of the vagina. This is why it can also feel good to have an object (including fingers or a penis) inside the vagina pushing against the arms of the clitoris.

Read more: Why the clitoris doesn't get the attention it deserves – and why this matters

For most of history, the clitoris was not fully understood or appreciated. It was an Australian surgeon – and a woman – who discovered how extensive it was.

 

Health benefits of masturbation

There are plenty of health benefits from masturbation. Masturbating and having an orgasm can relieve period pain and stress.

 

It’s also a great way to explore your body and know what feels good, which will make it easier to communicate to a partner when the time comes. It is also a sexual practice that cannot cause pregnancy or lead to an STI.

 

You mentioned discovering masturbation when you were quite young. Parents and caretakers report observing even very young children touching their genitals because it feels good. Although the body needs to go through puberty before a person can experience mature sexual arousal, it’s clear children also experience pleasurable sensations.

You also mention masturbating “on and off”. There is no right or wrong frequency for masturbating – it’s only a problem if a person feels it’s interfering with daily life.

Because sexuality in humans is linked to emotions, thoughts and beliefs, the ability to experience pleasure and orgasm does vary enormously. Negative feelings such as guilt or shame can be associated with masturbation especially if a person has grown up with specific negative beliefs about it.

 

There has been a long standing double standard about females being able to enjoy sex which, as you have noticed, means it’s not always easy to talk about. So thank you on behalf of lots of young women out there for being willing to talk about this very natural activity!