Because of the nature of the kink community, she also has to be doubly worried about you being a creeper. Creeps gravitate to the kink community like flies to honey. And the thing about creeps is that they are never good boyfriends because they never really respect boundaries as much as they say they do. As a result, kinky women are often on their guard to make sure that you aren’t a potentially abusive creepster.
Then there’s the emotional side of kink that can be a concern. Kinky sex isn’t like normal sex; it’s more intense. It can make you feel things for a person that you normally wouldn’t feel, and that can make you more vulnerable to manipulation, control, and abuse. As a result, she may also be worried about you taking advantage of her.
She may be worried that you don’t see her seriously because of her kinky side. A lot of men suffer from a Madonna-Whore Complex. So, while they may see kinky girls as a fun fling, they can’t imagine them as a wife or a mother. The end result for women who enjoy BDSM is that they stay in relationships until the guy with the complex meets a “Miss Right,” and then are cast aside like trash. Because it’s so common, many kinky women are very wary of being in a relationship with kink partners.
She may also worry about keeping it safe, sane, and consensual. Not being kinky enough is bad, but what’s worse is when you stop obeying the rules of BDSM. When this happens, you’re no longer just doing kink - you’re abusing her. Because some guys use BDSM as a guise for abuse, it is a concern she may have for her own safety.
If she’s religious and kinky, the two can clash if she wants a traditional relationship. It’s true - religion and sex rarely ever mix well. So, she may worry about you shaming her or telling a pastor she’s sinning by doing what she does. Though this concern is rare, it is one that may come up with some women.
She may be worried that you don’t think she’s sane. BDSM and kink can get really weird, really fast. At times, it borders on insanity. But, the thing is that what goes on in the bedroom doesn’t necessarily make you crazy…and many guys won’t get that. As a result, they worry you’ll think they’re nuts for liking what they like.
Another major worry may be that you can’t actually cater to her specific kink, even if you try. There are certain kinks and fetishes that people can’t cater to without having a specific mentality, bodypart, or talent for it. This is the sad, awful truth. If you can’t cater to her needs, even if you do try, she’ll still lack the full experience she wants…and that can lead to a breakup down the line.
Then, there’s also the matter of deciding whether she should look outside the relationship for kink. Many women won’t do kink with romantic partners because of all the problems we already mentioned. They have to decide whether or not it’s worth having a play partner on the side - and figuring out how to broach that subject with you can be a hurdle in and of itself.
If she’s into swinging, cuckolding, cuckqueaning, or group sex, she may be worried that that’s the only reason you’re into her. This is sadly true. A lot of men will pretend to like a girl who’s into group sex just so that they could have a shot at one of her friends, or so that he can have a threesome. She does have to worry about being used for this “fantasy fulfillment,” and that concern is as real as you can get.
Sometimes, a concern can be eschewing kink all together in order to be with you. If she knows you’re vanilla, her sexual satisfaction may have to be something she’ll sacrifice in order to be with you. She has to decide if it’s worth it, or if the kink is just too good to give up. Many women refuse to date vanilla men as a result of this issue.
She also may be worried about what you’ll say about her, knowing her kinky side. No one wants a man who will kiss and tell - especially women who are into kink. That side is very private to many of them, and in certain cases, it could be a reputation ruiner. As a result, they tend to be very picky about who they get kinky with, so if she’s wild with you, be grateful.
Similarly, she may also be worried that you see her as just a “fantasy object.” BDSM women tend to be a major fantasy of many men - and as a result, often get treated as such. The problem is that they’re not fantasy objects. They’re people, and they worry that all you see is the kinky stuff she’s willing to do.
There’s also the issue of deciding to be monogamous or poly. Kinky women are more open to polyamorous arrangements, and that’s great. However, poly relationships aren’t for everyone - and they also leave women open to being used and cast aside. As a result, this is a concern that really needs to be discussed and thought out.
The bottom line is that the element of kink adds a whole new layer to a relationship. And with every layer comes more worries, more issues that can arise. Since it is a major part of a love relationship for many, she has every right to be worried. But, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t pursue her. Just show her you’re different.
Of course, the risk of guys getting weirded out and bailing is real, too. She likes you. She wants to get kinky with you. But, she’s nervous that you’ll call her a freak and run. It can happen, and it may have even happened to her. As a result, she’s nervous about that, too.
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