"How do I taste down there?" A whopping 79 percent of women worry about how they look or taste down there. Girl, it tastes like a vagina... relax. Your private bits are never going to taste like cotton candy.
When the boy can’t groove. When they have no rhythm and you want to cry… I wish you were feeling the motion of my ocean, bro.
Where ya going, dude? Some guys are clueless when it comes to the act of oral. We always hear about men being unable to find the clitoris and other vital lady-bits, but what about when he’s nowhere near your vagina? It happens... he’s actually licking the side of your thigh, but you don’t know how to tell him. Speak up, girl! You don't need his permission to tell him what you want.
"Did I wipe well enough?” There is nothing more embarrassing than a man coming up for air and pulling a shred of two-ply out from his mouth. GAG. #KillMeNow
When they miss your clitoris. "You’re so close, yet so far…" you think to yourself in regards to the clueless boy making laps around your vagina... as well as your potential orgasm. Sigh.
Less tongue. You like the way it feels down there, at least until you're so covered in slobber from his tongue thrusting that it doesn't even feel good anymore. Slow it down — sometimes, less is more.
Fingers, please! When they don't realize the importance of fingers. There is such a thing as multitasking! Or when you try to offer your own phalanges as an aide and they swat you away... seriously? Hand are an important part of the action.
"Multitasking" like an amateur. C'mon, dude. It's not that hard. Get your head in the game and maybe I'll let your head get somewhere else, too. You can watch TV and drink beer at the same time like a pro, so why can't you do this?
Ouch. Are you trying to impale me?! Stop the finger banging. You’re going to finger a hole right through my cervix if you keep at it. Also, make sure those nails are clipped before you go anywhere near there.
If you tell him to stop, you’ll hurt his feelings. Your mind has started drifting away from the bedroom. Did you lock the front door? When are your roommates coming home? What's for dinner? Does he not notice that ingrown hair right next to his mouth????
Drunk in love. When you’re drunk AF and trying not to fall asleep. Don't take it personal, buddy. Just hurry up and get out of there.
Fingering other things. Not every girl is into butt-play. And even if she is, a little notice would be nice, muchacho. Otherwise, keep away from the backdoor!
Avert your gaze. When they make eye contact to see if it's working and it's not. So it's just awkward and you're now engaged in a staring contest that you did not sign up for. You try to fixate on something else but realize you can't get off while staring at your ceiling fan.
When you're just trying to help. You keep putting his head in the right spot but he keeps going back to the same, awful spot! Stay put, boy. Do as you are instructed.
"Ok, it's my turn..." You're panting and in a state of pure ecstasy after finally orgasming. You run your hands in your partner's hair and smile... until you hear those dreaded words. Cue: Serious eye roll.
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